I don’t know about that rule. For example, as you yourself point out, physical violence is an absolute deal-breaker, as is emotional abuse, but they seem different from “demanding proofs of love”, which is a symptom of something else that could be worthwhile and amenable to being addressed cognitively.

The way I find these lists very helpful is to spend some time weighting them relative to each other (say from 1–3), figuring out which ones are important to me, and then separately scoring them on some small Leichert-like scale. The idea is not some “data-psuedo-science” of a binary cut-off of 35% or whatever. The reason the exercise is beneficial is that you learn about yourself and what is important to you, and then it forces you to think about the many different aspects of the relationship, every rating of an issue is forcing you to confront something or look for evidence of it. At the end of it, your gut will tell you — “time to leave!” or “here are the 3 things I need to work on with my partner”.

I stop to miau to cats.

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