I’m going to ask you a favor, trust my intention, not my tone. It is your partner who needs to read this.

I’ve read the other responses and feel there is something missing that needs to be addressed directly: is it really your partner’s role or only your partner’s role to fix everything?

First, this business about “men” and “solve” is debunked pseudo-Evo-psych BS, there is no evidence to suggest it is anything but cultural.

Second, the pathologization of talking about it is a symptom of the sigmatization of mental health in Western/American “happiness” culture.

Third, if your partner’s response to your troubles is putting additional stress on you, which it clearly is otherwise why would you have written this heart wrenching article, that is their problem to solve, they need to have some humility and deep compassion about what they can or cannot do for both themselves and you.

My car transmission has been causing all sorts of trouble for months, my shoulder is in chronic pain from an old injury, I have trouble at work with my hours and my manager … I don’t expect my partner to solve these problems. My older daughter is stressed enough to be depressed and had a serious falling out with her closest childhood friend, my younger one split her lip and broke a bone after a bike accident and is failing math in middle School (and that is my area of expertise). My partner lost multiple family members over a few months and is being sued by her renter. I can’t fix these problems, it is hubristic of me to think I can do the job of a professional, or in your case, where even professional help is struggling.

Does that mean I can’t listen and find ways of supporting them in the ways they need? How is not talking about any of this going to help anybody? In each of these situations, what is my role, other than “male savior”?

I stop to miau to cats.

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