Interesting. As the "dog" in my current relationship, looking to understand, for answers if not solutions" to what is going on, I learned from Nimmo's article, and came away with some ideas about what I can do.
I had thought about recommending this article to my "cat", but the judgmental, "I haven't learned anything new", "I don't need to change a bit", "All their fault", "I'm great the way I am." attitude and utter lack of empathy to somebody who is or has been your partner that seeps through in the "cat" responses makes me wonder if that lack of "deep" empathy is actually the underlying cause, "lack of childhood parental bond" BS aside?
Do you "cats" need a "dog" for your own needs, and hence don't go find another "cat" to date, ships occasionally passing in the night style?
By the way, with animals, I am a cat person not a dog person, but I have learned that when I pay attention to the dog, just a little bit when they ask for it, but fully focussed on them, the dog is soon satisfied and happy to be left alone, and over time starts feeling more secure. Why don't you "cats" try that sometime with your "dogs"?