They broke up with me, and couldn’t wait 48 hours to send me “humility … failed us” e-mails. Evidence for my claim that “they don’t need you, until they need you”.
- I am respecting your decision to end the relationship by not initiating any non-logistical contact.
- I made a mistake in responding to your e-mails, albeit briefly, and in the manner in which I did so.
- What was your goal in sending me those e-mails? This is for you to answer to yourself, please not to me.
- I understand your need to write, but not everything that is written needs to be read. If you want to share your thoughts and feelings, you should do that: A. with 0 others; B. with 2–3 people, like your therapist and hard-listening friends, not your enablers; C. with infinity: publish your experience and analysis if you think others can learn from it. (Learning from one’s active failures is an unexplored genre in Medium, as opposed to the more common “I made the mistake of staying with an abuser/inadequate person for too long, don’t do that”.) D. never with ONE! Specially not with an ‘x’.
- You were right about “characterological differences” in how we saw ourselves in a relationship, but the problem was the deeper issue of how one approaches characterological differences and deals with them. Are they immutable, are they context dependent, is one willing to change oneself for the relationship? I thought we were both believers in “Not me, us!”.
- Re. your offer to listen: What has changed in you that you think you can hear me and act on it now, after three years? Instead of my re-exposing myself to trauma by re-living stuff with zero action from you, you can just re-play everything I’ve already said, if that is what you want. I have nothing helpful to add. Do your hard work by your self now.
- Humility would show in your willingness to examine your preparedness to meet the needs of your next imagined need.
Should I? Should I not? Should I rend the petals off some innocent flower to help me make a decision?