Why don’t you just wash your arse with water and clean it with your ✋? Then wash your hands with soap and water. Of course bidets will be ineffective without getting your ✋ involved! Squeamish but unhygienic people.
The next step in personal sanitation will be to invent a 99% bacteria killing bidet spray that, like the hand wipes, leaves the dead shit in place. Combined with a deodorant spray, this will be perfect sanitation without hygiene.